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87 items in the Rassieverse.

1. ComicBoogeymanThe boogeyman is sure he heard something under the bed. He looks, and finds Rassie down there with a clipboard, checking the setup.
2. ComicInfinityNobody can count to infinity. Rassie is asked how far he can count, and the analysts find out he has already done it — twice.
3. ComicThe LionsRassie goes to feed the lions at sunset. By the end of the evening it is the lions who have laid the table.
4. ComicDie BrannaThe fire is dead, the chops are not moving and nobody can save the braai. Rassie opens the coals, gives it air, and the evening starts again.
5. ComicThe PlanPlan A is not working and Plan B is worse. Rassie does not reach for a third one — he keeps the shape, fixes the spacing and asks for support earlier.
6. ComicRomeRome has the plans, the meetings and the delays. Then a specialist arrives who would rather move the blocks than price the job.
7. ComicE-TollsRassie drives the N1 and never pays a cent. SANRAL writes to him every month to thank him for blessing it.
8. ComicHoustonMission control runs out of options, so they phone a man on a stoep in South Africa. Move the one oke there, then use the space properly.
9. ComicThe WatchTraining starts at nine sharp. It starts when Rassie says it starts, and every watch on the field catches up with him.
10. ComicThe ChilliesRassie doesn’t cry when he eats chillies. The chillies cry because Rassie eats them.
11. ComicToo Far AheadRassie walks so far ahead that his own shadow gives up, calls an Uber and asks the driver to follow him.
12. ComicThe Hospital He BuiltRassie is born before the hospital is finished. He points out the flaws on day one, and comes back years later to finish the job.
13. ComicThe Tight-Space PlanThe parking lot is full and Chico will not fit. Rassie finds the one space nobody was using.
14. ComicAre You English?Rassie needs to settle one thing with the bulldog before bed. The bulldog has opinions.
15. ComicFirst on the Moon?Armstrong steps onto the moon and finds the footprints already there, and someone waiting with a flag.
16. ComicMum and VegHis mother puts vegetables in front of him. Rassie puts them through selection.
17. Rassie FactRassie Fact #037: Green BloodRassie doesn’t bleed red. He bleeds Springbok green.
18. Rassie FactRassie Fact #038: The BeerRassie skink nie n bier nie. Die bier skink vir hom.
19. Rassie FactRassie Fact #039: Rugby PraatRassie praat nie van rugby nie, rugby praat van Rassie.
20. Rassie FactRassie Fact #059: The boss of all coachesRassie is the boss of all rugby coaches.
21. Rassie FactRassie Fact #060: ET phoned RassieET didn’t phone home. He phoned Rassie.
22. Rassie FactRassie Fact #061: In the cornerNo one puts Rassie in the corner.
23. Rassie FactRassie Fact #062: The zombiesIn a stadium the "Zombies" bow down and sing his song.
24. ComicStaalwol & ’n HiluxAn oom hands Rassie a ball of steel wool and asks what he plans to do with it. Rassie asks for five minutes.
25. ComicWitness ProtectionThe opposition front row finds out who is joining the scrum. By kick-off they have new identities.
26. Rassie FactRassie Fact #020: The CVWhen Rassie says “lekker,” somewhere in New Zealand a rugby analyst updates his CV.
27. Rassie FactRassie Fact #023: The waterRassie doesn’t carry water. He walks on it.
28. Rassie FactRassie Fact #025: The right planRassie doesn't make a plan the plan makes sure rassie is right
29. Rassie FactRassie Fact #027: Die BrannaRassie doesn't gooi his own Branna. The Branna runs into Rassie hand.
30. Rassie FactRassie Fact #031: The winsRassie doesn't play for Wins yet Wins comes over to the play for Him☝🏽
31. Rassie FactRassie Fact #058: "May the Rassie be with you."May the Rassie be with you.
32. ComicPlan BDifferent problem. Same solution. Plan.
33. ComicLoad SheddingEskom doesn’t switch the lights off. It waits until Rassie has finished halftime.
34. Rassie FactRassie Fact #040: Rassie's Bomb Squad — The only benchRassie's Bomb Squad — The only bench that needs its own postcode.
35. Rassie FactRassie Fact #041: Rassie can kill two stones with oneRassie can kill two stones with one bird.
36. Rassie FactRassie Fact #042: Rassie doesn't flush the toilet, he scaresRassie doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it.
37. Rassie FactRassie Fact #043: Rassie gebruik nie sonblok nieRassie gebruik nie sonblok nie!! Die son gebruik Rassieblok!
38. Rassie FactRassie Fact #044: How many plans does Rassie haveHow many plans does Rassie have? All of them
39. Rassie FactRassie Fact #045: If Rassie says "scrum" the All BlacksIf Rassie says "scrum" the All Blacks started crying
40. Rassie FactRassie Fact #046: Last week when Rassie's cellphone was broken,Last week when Rassie's cellphone was broken, he sent WhatsApp messages to the boys on a calculator.
41. Rassie FactRassie Fact #047: Rassie mag met vuil voete in dieRassie mag met vuil voete in die bed klim!
42. Rassie FactRassie Fact #048: Rassie is the only person who canRassie is the only person who can slam a revolving door.
43. Rassie FactRassie Fact #049: Rassie ordered Elon Musk to have aRassie ordered Elon Musk to have a starlink flyover at the next Bok game.
44. Rassie FactRassie Fact #050: Rassie is the proof in the poedingRassie is the proof in the poeding...
45. Rassie FactRassie Fact #051: Rassie sny nie gras nieRassie sny nie gras nie!! Hy dare hulle om te groei!
46. Rassie FactRassie Fact #052: When the Bokke pass the Lions, theWhen the Bokke pass the Lions, the Lions bow in awe and admiration...
47. Rassie FactRassie Fact #053: When Rassie drives, the potholes avoid himWhen Rassie drives, the potholes avoid him.
48. Rassie FactRassie Fact #054: When Google doesnt know it does aWhen Google doesnt know it does a Rassie search.
49. Rassie FactRassie Fact #055: When he was born, Rassie smacked theWhen he was born, Rassie smacked the doctors bum.
50. Rassie FactRassie Fact #056: When William Web Ellis created the gameWhen William Web Ellis created the game of Rugby he had to ask Rassie for permission first.
51. Rassie FactRassie Fact #057: Rassie doesn’t worry about the Haka...he partiesRassie doesn’t worry about the Haka...he parties after the game not before...
52. ComicIf Rassie Did Braai WeatherThe forecast says 90% chance of rain. Rassie lights the braai, and the sky clears over his garden only.
53. ComicIf Rassie Did Home AffairsA three-hour Home Affairs queue, until the clerk looks up and the appointment is suddenly ready.
54. ComicIf Rassie Did Load SheddingStage 6. Four hours. Rassie makes one call.
55. ComicIf Rassie Did the Backup PlanAn assistant asks about the backup plan. Rassie picks up the phone and calls it in.
56. ComicIf Rassie Did TrophiesMore trophies arrive at the office. Rassie makes them sit the squad interview first.
57. Rassie FactRassie Fact #018: The planWhen Rassie says “we’ve got a plan,” New Zealand checks the departure board.
58. Rassie FactRassie Fact #019: The trophiesRassie doesn’t chase trophies. Trophies know where he lives.
59. Rassie FactRassie Fact #015: The parking bayRassie doesn’t look for parking at the V&A Waterfront. A bay gets nervous and opens up.
60. Rassie FactRassie Fact #016: The municipalityRassie once complained about a pothole. The municipality apologised to his tyre.
61. Rassie FactRassie Fact #017: The roadsRassie doesn’t need Google Maps. South African roads know where he’s going.
62. Rassie FactRassie Fact #013: The queueRassie doesn’t stand in the Home Affairs queue. The queue stands for Rassie.
63. Rassie FactRassie Fact #014: The flightRassie once missed a flight at OR Tambo. The plane reversed.
64. Rassie FactRassie Fact #010: The time zoneRassie doesn’t change time zones. Time zones adjust to kick-off.
65. Rassie FactRassie Fact #009: The kettleRassie doesn’t wait for the kettle to boil. The kettle waits for the call from the coaches’ box.
66. Rassie FactRassie Fact #008: The braai tongsRassie’s braai tongs have a 23-player squad.
67. Rassie FactRassie Fact #007: The set pieceRassie doesn’t do small talk. He does set-piece talk.
68. Rassie FactRassie Fact #006: The alarm clockRassie doesn’t set an alarm. Sunrise waits for the team talk.
69. Rassie FactRassie Fact #005: The video reviewRassie once reviewed a braai on video. The chops asked for the TMO.
70. Rassie FactRassie Fact #004: The shopping listRassie’s shopping list has a seven–one split.
71. Rassie FactRassie Fact #003: The sequelRassie’s bench isn’t the second team. It’s the sequel.
72. Rassie FactRassie Fact #002: The weatherRassie doesn’t check the weather before a braai. The weather checks with Rassie.
73. Rassie FactRassie Fact #001: The backup planRassie doesn’t have a backup plan. The backup plan has Rassie’s number.
74. CharacterAnikaWatches every Test from a flat in Perth, sends thirty-seven voice notes per try and met Thabo on the family video call.
75. CharacterBra SiphoHeld the village TV aerial on a roof for an entire Test match. His calls are still the clearest in the Eastern Cape.
76. CharacterBra TshepoDrives the green minibus, saves the front seat for anyone in a jersey and swears he never moved early.
77. CharacterGogo NomsaRuns the family group chat from Durban, records a voice note for every try and has never once been late for a parade.
78. CharacterLeratoRuns the office, the family group chat and the Friday dress code with equal authority.
79. CharacterOom KallieHas run the street braai for 31 years. Deeply suspicious of whiteboards.
80. CharacterRassieA cap, dark glasses and a game plan for absolutely everything, including the grocery run.
81. CharacterRassie’s DogA white English bulldog who has attended every braai, supervised every fire and never once been asked to leave.
82. CharacterSiyaLeads from the front, keeps the team talk short and somehow ends up carrying everyone’s bags as well.
83. CharacterTannie MarietjieOwns a spare jersey for every emergency and has not missed an anthem since 1995.
84. CharacterThaboLives overseas, sleeps in two-hour blocks during tournaments and has never missed a kick-off.
85. CharacterThe Coaching StaffAn attack coach with ninety lineout options, a scrum coach with forearms like fence posts and a defence coach who has never blinked.
86. CharacterThe Management TeamA team manager who has already planned the queue, a physio with tape for everything and a kit manager who can find one missing sock among forty bags.
87. CharacterThe Rugby Bomb SquadSeven enormous friends who arrive at the 50th minute of any event and change the result.

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