If Rassie Did the First Dance
Thabo and Anika wanted a slow waltz. Rassie gave them forty seconds of waltz and a four-second set piece.
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32 comics
The Missing Kit Bag
The team lands at OR Tambo one kit bag short. Rassie is not worried.
If Rassie Did the Garden
A lawn mowed in pitch stripes, a flowerbed with a defensive structure and a yellow card for the dog.
One Screen, Whole Village
An extension cord from the spaza shop, one TV under a tree and an uncle on the roof holding the aerial for all eighty minutes.
Excess Baggage
Forty players, one check-in counter and a team manager who has planned the queue down to the kilogram.
If Rassie Did a Kids’ Birthday Party
Pass-the-parcel as a set piece, musical chairs with a TMO and a cake delivered with perfect timing.
Fresh Legs at the Fiftieth
The Bomb Squad warms up so hard at the 50th minute that the other team stops to watch.
Green Friday
From the taxi rank to the operating theatre, the whole country turns up to work in green, and nobody needs to explain why.
If Rassie Did the Road Trip
Joburg to the coast on a strict driver rotation, with the biltong bench coming on at the hour mark.
Robots on the Blink
Every robot in the suburb stuck on green in all four directions, and one man in the middle of the intersection calling a scrum.
The Captain’s Team Talk
Three hours of analysis, 147 slides and one captain who only needs a few words.
One Try, One Group Chat
One try, one family WhatsApp group and supporters celebrating in Durban, Cape Town, Perth and wherever Thabo is at the same moment.
If Rassie Did Home Affairs
The Home Affairs queue is three hours minimum. Rassie walks in anyway.
The Pothole
Fourteen reports, two years and one reference number. So the street stopped waiting for the ref.
The Bomb Squad Arrives
Fifty minutes into the party, energy is fading. Then the door opens.
The Lucky Jersey
Tannie Marietjie’s jersey has not been washed since 1995. Then Oom Kallie did the laundry.
The Coin Toss
Three assistant coaches, three different plans for the coin toss and one captain who has heard enough.
If Rassie Did School Sports Day
The parents’ tug-of-war was meant to be a bit of fun. Then Rassie turned the mothers into a driving maul.
The Car Guard’s Call
A tight parking bay, a car guard with the clearest calls Rassie has heard all season and one very unusual job offer.
The Parade Wave
Gogo Nomsa was on the parade route at four. Thabo flew in overnight. The captain waved.
If Rassie Did the Holiday Pool
December at a coastal resort. Every lounger gone by half past five. Rassie was not the only one with a plan.
Nobody Move
The try came while Oom Kallie was half out of his chair. So Oom Kallie stays half out of his chair.
If Rassie Did the Family Photo
Forty relatives, one phone on a timer and a family friend who arranges people like a team photo.
The Missing Sock
Forty players, one kit manager and one sock missing ninety minutes before kick-off.
If Rassie Did Load Shedding
Stage 6. Four hours in the dark. Rassie is not worried.
Selection for the Team Braai
All three assistant coaches want to run the team braai. Rassie picks on form.
Anthem Goosebumps
Before kick-off, the whole country stands up. Including the dog.
If Rassie Planned a Braai
The weather app says 90% chance of rain. Rassie lights the braai.
Kick-off at 3am
Supporting from overseas means three alarms, whispered celebrations and very patient neighbours.
If Rassie Did the School Run
Team selection at 06:00, cones in the bakkie and a lunchbox thrown in from touch.
The Friday Jersey
In some offices Friday is dress-down day. In this office it is a dress code.
If Rassie Did the Grocery Shopping
A Saturday supermarket run, planned like a Test match. Seven trolleys. One loaf of bread.