If Rassie Did the Garden
A lawn mowed in pitch stripes, a flowerbed with a defensive structure and a yellow card for the dog.
Comics
If Rassie Did a Kids’ Birthday Party
Pass-the-parcel as a set piece, musical chairs with a TMO and a cake delivered with perfect timing.
If Rassie Did the Road Trip
Joburg to the coast on a strict driver rotation, with the biltong bench coming on at the hour mark.
Robots on the Blink
Every robot in the suburb stuck on green in all four directions, and one man in the middle of the intersection calling a scrum.
If Rassie Did Home Affairs
The Home Affairs queue is three hours minimum. Rassie walks in anyway.
The Pothole
Fourteen reports, two years and one reference number. So the street stopped waiting for the ref.
The Car Guard’s Call
A tight parking bay, a car guard with the clearest calls Rassie has heard all season and one very unusual job offer.
If Rassie Did Load Shedding
Stage 6. Four hours in the dark. Rassie is not worried.
If Rassie Did the School Run
Team selection at 06:00, cones in the bakkie and a lunchbox thrown in from touch.
If Rassie Did the Grocery Shopping
A Saturday supermarket run, planned like a Test match. Seven trolleys. One loaf of bread.
Rassie Facts
Rassie Fact #017: The roads
Rassie doesn’t need Google Maps.South African roads know where he’s going.
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Rassie Fact #016: The municipality
Rassie once complained about a pothole.The municipality apologised to his tyre.
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Rassie Fact #015: The parking bay
Rassie doesn’t look for parking at the V&A Waterfront.A bay gets nervous and opens up.
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Rassie Fact #013: The queue
Rassie doesn’t stand in the Home Affairs queue.The queue stands for Rassie.
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Rassie Fact #012: Load shedding
Rassie doesn’t load-shed.Eskom waits until he goes to bed.
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Rassie Fact #009: The kettle
Rassie doesn’t wait for the kettle to boil.The kettle waits for the call from the coaches’ box.
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Rassie Fact #007: The set piece
Rassie doesn’t do small talk.He does set-piece talk.
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Rassie Fact #006: The alarm clock
Rassie doesn’t set an alarm.Sunrise waits for the team talk.
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Rassie Fact #004: The shopping list
Rassie’s shopping list has a seven–one split.
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